patocazador
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"Cecil" Update
Mugabe puts end to lion-hunt controversy
Harare, July 2015
In a string of typically insane yet insightful comments, President Robert Mugabe (91) of Zimbabwe has weighed in on the recent controversy involving the alleged illegal trophy hunt of a popular Zimbabwean lion named Cecil.
Inspired by the South African anti-colonialism campaign, <a href='/tags/RhodesMustFall' rel='nofollow' title='See all tagged subjects with: #RhodesMustFall'>#RhodesMustFall</a>, which recently lead to the removal of statues of long-forgotten ‘agents of colonialism’, Mugabe called the lion hunt a “step towards ending western Imperialism”.
“I have always strived to rid this country of any trace of colonialism. All we want to remain with is the grave of (Cecil John) Rhodes. Zimbabwe will go down in the history books as the place where the effects of imperialism were reversed, where it was totally destroyed, where no remnant of anything should remain”.
Speaking from his ivory and leopard-skin throne, Mugabe elaborated, “I don’t know what these people were thinking. Who names a lion after Rhodes? Did they not think some action would be taken? I would have expected scholars from Oxford to know their history”, referring to the research group who had named and followed this particular lion for many years.
When asked whether he thought the furor could damage Zimbabwe’s valuable hunting and eco-tourism industry, the elderly statesman quipped, “back when I was at Edinburgh, I used to joke with my chums that ‘there’s plenty more when that one came from’. Ah, those were the days…”
“Seriously though, we don’t really need tourists or hunters at all. Their economic impact is negligible, like imperialist farmers. No, our Chinese friends, they will pay handsomely for our resources. I’ve heard lion bones are highly sought-after for their witchcraft”.
“In fact, this plague of bunny-huggerism we are sitting with currently, it’s nothing but a ploy by Blair’s gang of homosexuals. He’s behind this, I’m telling you. Even Obama fears me, I have a small frame, but Obama trembles before me”.
On a final tirade while being wheeled off by his physicians, the senile-delinquent Mugabe shouted, “What has the West done with their animals? Where is the woolly rhinoceros, the passenger pigeon, the cave lion? Don’t come here with your ideas. Go to the zoo...”
* * *
When asked for his opinion, President Jacob Zuma of neighbouring South Africa only said “loving animals is a white-man thing”, before turning his attention back to issuing a tender for repairing goat-damage to the roof of the luxury chicken coop at his controversial multi-million-rand Nkandla compound.
* * *
(Disclaimer: much of this is paraphrasing of actual Mugabe quotes!)
:lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:
Mugabe puts end to lion-hunt controversy
Harare, July 2015
In a string of typically insane yet insightful comments, President Robert Mugabe (91) of Zimbabwe has weighed in on the recent controversy involving the alleged illegal trophy hunt of a popular Zimbabwean lion named Cecil.
Inspired by the South African anti-colonialism campaign, <a href='/tags/RhodesMustFall' rel='nofollow' title='See all tagged subjects with: #RhodesMustFall'>#RhodesMustFall</a>, which recently lead to the removal of statues of long-forgotten ‘agents of colonialism’, Mugabe called the lion hunt a “step towards ending western Imperialism”.
“I have always strived to rid this country of any trace of colonialism. All we want to remain with is the grave of (Cecil John) Rhodes. Zimbabwe will go down in the history books as the place where the effects of imperialism were reversed, where it was totally destroyed, where no remnant of anything should remain”.
Speaking from his ivory and leopard-skin throne, Mugabe elaborated, “I don’t know what these people were thinking. Who names a lion after Rhodes? Did they not think some action would be taken? I would have expected scholars from Oxford to know their history”, referring to the research group who had named and followed this particular lion for many years.
When asked whether he thought the furor could damage Zimbabwe’s valuable hunting and eco-tourism industry, the elderly statesman quipped, “back when I was at Edinburgh, I used to joke with my chums that ‘there’s plenty more when that one came from’. Ah, those were the days…”
“Seriously though, we don’t really need tourists or hunters at all. Their economic impact is negligible, like imperialist farmers. No, our Chinese friends, they will pay handsomely for our resources. I’ve heard lion bones are highly sought-after for their witchcraft”.
“In fact, this plague of bunny-huggerism we are sitting with currently, it’s nothing but a ploy by Blair’s gang of homosexuals. He’s behind this, I’m telling you. Even Obama fears me, I have a small frame, but Obama trembles before me”.
On a final tirade while being wheeled off by his physicians, the senile-delinquent Mugabe shouted, “What has the West done with their animals? Where is the woolly rhinoceros, the passenger pigeon, the cave lion? Don’t come here with your ideas. Go to the zoo...”
* * *
When asked for his opinion, President Jacob Zuma of neighbouring South Africa only said “loving animals is a white-man thing”, before turning his attention back to issuing a tender for repairing goat-damage to the roof of the luxury chicken coop at his controversial multi-million-rand Nkandla compound.
* * *
(Disclaimer: much of this is paraphrasing of actual Mugabe quotes!)
:lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:
