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- "Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter"
Who wrote this?
- "Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says "
Really? Ya think?
- "Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
Now that's taking things a bit far!
- "Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"
What a guy!
- "Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
Good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
- "Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
- "War Dims Hope for Peace"
I can see where it might have that effect!
- "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"
Ya think?!
- "Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
Who would have thought!
- "Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
They may be on to something!
- "Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
- "Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge"
He probably IS the battery charge!
- "New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"
Weren't they fat enough?!
- "Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
- "Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
Do they taste like chicken?
- "Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
- "Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
Boy, are they tall!
- And the winner is....
"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead" "
Did I read that right?
