Wolfhound "Golden Pig" Awards

[Anonymous]

When my brain clears (a week or so), I'll get the award winners all listed with pics. There should have been more trophies. There is one strange picture with Doohan inventing the universal sabot, and for some reason Loggy is already a Loshbough legend-- with guys singing about Loggy around the campfire all through Cumberland County. The magnificient 800 lb., 9 foot long Loshbough pig over at the taxidermist had its equally impressive, massive brain stolen-- maybe Loggy has an alibi? :shock:

There should have been a "strange and unusual hobbies" award, I'm not really sure what Nugbuk is going to do with all those bottles of pig's blood. To confound the matter, Romania was part of Transylvania, and I thought everything was kool until I noticed Nugbuk had no reflection in the mirror. Now, I'm scared.

It's good to see that only one bullet can kill a hog properly, so that completely ends all the bullet debates for good. Whew. Glad that one is over with.

Kristel is hard to post a picture of, but she was an award winner. All I have is some video where she is rubbing her nose, flipping me off, and talking. Actually, all 17 Krystal videos are like that. A difficult one to post; maybe I'll just auction them off on EBay?

My Dad was wondering why I referred to folks with names like Wolfhound, Indiana Hunter, Venisoneater, Noug, Grouse, etc. Apparently he thought they were unusual in a way. I told him to just ask Underclocked.

If anybody lost a roll of $100 bills held together by an MMP sabot, great news . . . I found your sabot!

Anyway, here's the merry band of hog blasters for starters:

We are missing a few folks from the pic including Harry Hill (an award winner, not sure if he knows it yet or not (?)) and son-- but, we will track down pics of everyone eventually.

 

[Anonymous]

The awards were:

"Pathetic Pig of Distinction"
"Sorry Sow Award"
"Spectacular Shot"
"Titanic Tusker" and
"Behemoth Boar"

When I get the pics uploaded, I'll do my best to discuss each one, in order, in my famously irreverent, basically incomprehensible prose. The awards are subjective, highly coveted, collectible, and borderline meaningless. So, they are all just for fun-- but, each one has a story (or three) behind them. First up will be the Pathetic Pig of Distinction, a Carl Sagan moment where the second (and award-winning) porker was shot before the first one . . .

 

[Grouse]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Kristel was a blast for sure.

 

[Anonymous]

Kristel was nominated for several awards, but not the "Pathetic Pig of Distinction." Better luck next year on tht one Kristel, if you want to call it that.

Craig shot at a nice boar with his Knight Disc Elite, and was surprised when he missed. So, he had a chance for another pig, and toasted it. It was a dinker of sorts, and reminded me of the shakey pudding that Craig was relentlessly talking about. It is either a Florida thing, or something you can get at Shakey's Pizza I guess-- not sure on that one. The dinker earned Craig the "Pathetic Pig of Distinction award, though it was a lot larger than the pig running after Doohan crying, "Mommy!."

So, it was Grouse's buddy Craig that took home the gold on that one. Craig was surprised when he missed the first pig. Apparently, the pig was even more surprised that he was missed, as he was already completely de-grunted and quite dead. So, it was pig number "two" that was shot first, a Carl Sagan wrinkle in time sort of thing: a Golden Pig award winning whammy for "Shakey-Town Craig" and his Knight Disc Elite pork-popping smokepole of instant destruction.

In the front, the pig that Craig "missed" with a single shot. Not a very convincing miss at all. In the back to the left, the award-winning "Distinctive Pig" that Craig, killed first, but actually second. In the back of the picture with hat: Craig.

For the next one, I need someone's help in posting a pic of Harry Hill and his porcine prey . . .

 

[Anonymous]

Well, Randy, I had really hoped to be nominated for the best-dressed award! That would give chuck and myself something to compete over!! Maybe next year!!

 

[Grouse]

Randy, Thanks alot for getting Knight Rifles and Barnes bullets to sponsor some hats. They were really nice.

 

[VENISONEATR]

Randy, Thanks alot for getting Knight Rifles and Barnes bullets to sponsor some hats. They were really nice.

Ditto!!!!!!!! :wink:

8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

 

[Anonymous]

Well, Randy, I had really hoped to be nominated for the best-dressed award! That would give chuck and myself something to compete over!! Maybe next year!!

Savage girl, well-- you would have likely won that one this year as well. Chuck does not seem to have a great affinity for proper make-up base, etc., and as you know . . . accessories make the ensemble. Maybe next year you can help Chuck with his "Dick Clark Eye Gel" :?:

 

[Anonymous]

Randy, Thanks alot for getting Knight Rifles and Barnes bullets to sponsor some hats. They were really nice.

They are great folks at both companies; so thanks to both Barnes Bullets and Knight-- they were happy to contribute.

 

[Anonymous]

Well, until we come up with a proper Harry Hill photo, it looks like we are moving on to the coveted (and very competitive) spectacular shot award won by Venisoneater.

There were many, many, very good quick drops to choose from. Chuck Hill had about the longest shot, I believe, of the weekend @ about 120 yards. Nugbuk's pig had an impressive hole in it, and Pat Allen managed a colorful spew of vital internal organ material gently decorating the Crossville landscape-- some 20 yards of crimson mist. There were more excellent shots to choose from as well.

However, in the grand tradition of "hair, teeth, and eyeballs" Elmer Keith, the great Venison-nibbler managed instant whammy head shots not once, but twice . . . both muzzleloading and with handgun.

So, for the dual deadly cranial destructive prowess of both frontloader rifle and pistol exhibited by Jim Byrne (though shamelessly destroying some of Loggy's favorite 'brain food') ... the golden gizzard of intense instant pig poppage swung its award-pointing beak to this year's King of Carnage, Venisoneater.

As the hogs quickly shed their mortal coils, grunting off to hog heaven, apparently only one thing had crossed their minds. 8)

 

[Doohan]

Randy, Thanks alot for getting Knight Rifles and Barnes bullets to sponsor some hats. They were really nice.

amen!

 

[Doohan]

though it was a lot larger than the pig running after Doohan crying, "Mommy!." .

I am lucky to be alive!!!

 

[big6x6]

or the next one, I need someone's help in posting a pic of Harry Hill and his porcine prey . .

Working on it.

 

[VENISONEATR]

Randy, thank you for very eloquently provividing poetic prose portraying my purposeful pig pate popping prowess. :shock:
I would like to thank the Academy for this award, my friends for accompanying me on this trip, my family for putting up with my extended range sessions, and hours in the basement gun room fine tuning my equipment.... and most importantly my fans :lol:
If any of you fledgling pig perforators need guidance, assistance or advice on acquiring my skills please feel free to contact me at your convenience...

 

[big6x6]

Randy, thank you for very eloquently provividing poetic prose portraying my purposeful pig pate popping prowess. :shock:
I would like to thank the Academy for this award, my friends for accompanying me on this trip, my family for putting up with my extended range sessions, and hours in the basement gun room fine tuning my equipment.... and most importantly my fans :lol:
If any of you fledgling pig perforators need guidance, assistance or advice on acquiring my skills please feel free to contact me at your convenience...

Oh BOY....GEESH!

:lol:

 

[Doohan]

LOL...


Man! I need some taller boots for this crap! :lol: 8)










Well put - Jimmy "THE EXECUTIONER"

 

[VENISONEATR]

Oh BOY....GEESH!

:lol:

I knew you would like my acceptaance speech... :lol:

 

[Anonymous]

I am lucky to be alive!!!

On the next "Fear Factor" Doohan VS. Omniverious Flesh-Eating Babies . . .

PHASE ONE: Eat "Loggy Breakfast": Do not hurl or go home.

PHASE TWO: Drink Nugbuk pig blood in 2 minutes. Do not hurl or go home.

PHASE THREE: Drive Loshbough Suburban for 1 mile using all gears. If motor stalls or door opens, go home. Successful drivers get Loshbough T-Shirt and a chance at 50,000 Loshbough bucks.

FINAL CHALLENGE: Swim "Lake Loshbough," recovering a "Flesh Eating Baby Doohan" from its pen. Fastest time wins it all. If you or Doohan Baby drowns, you are disqualified.

 

[Anonymous]

The next Golden Pig Award was named "Titanic Tusker," so very cleverly named to designate the boar with the best set of choppers. Nugbuk had nice long teeth-- his boar did as well. Other boars had uniquely impressive body parts as well, but those didn't count. Only the 'Peposodent' smile counted. Rumor has it that Grouse was running through the woods screaming, then finally apprehended with a bag of dentures and super-glue. Grouse's attempt at offering emergency cosmetic help to sows accustomed to mostly gumming down their food was thankfully foiled before the integrity of the Titanic Tusker award was compromised.

It was Modern Muzzleloader founder and CEO, Wolfhound, that felled the most impressively toothy boar with his Extreme and a 250 gr. Barnes MZ. The pig did not come supplied with a thumbhole, so Patrick quickly decided he had to give him one.

So here is the great Wolfhound (close friend of Extreme Hunter) on our left, with his prize-winning dentally distinctive, distinguished enamel-filled Russian boar. I'm advised that the head of the pig still survives, either to be made into a European mount, or as a handy household tool that makes a great tape dispenser, fishing line cutter, or-- with properly motorized jowls, could produce thousands of julieene fries in seconds.

Augmented with flashing red lights in the eye sockets, digitally recorded grunts and growls, and a violently snapping mouth you have the ideal heirloom for annual Halloween entertainment as well. :shock:

Congratulations to Wolfhound.

 

[Anonymous]

The shocking surprise "Sorry Sow" award winner was none other than Chuck Hill's brother, shown here in a massively oversized Doohan photo specially designed for super-slow loading:

That's Harry Hill, left, accompanied by his son, Matt. Either Harry or Chuck is considered far more attractive than the other by the female population. Either Harry mentioned that, Chuck mentioned that, or Daniel Loshbough mentioned that. Frankly, I don't remember which was which. I guess it is the one in the red truck.

Though this was the first Crossville adventure for Harry that I am aware of, it didn't stop him from an unusual shot placement technique that propelled his pig forward an estimated 1000 yards. This clever, little-known, seldom seen technique was sufficient to net Alabama more "Golden Pig Gold," assuming said trophy was delivered to him and not lost in a pile of scope boxes somewhere.

Congratulations, Harry. Your trophy was painstakingly made from highly polished plastic by old world craftsmen, and is certain to make you the envy of most every man and woman in the tri-state area.

The "Golden Pig" has been revered by millions, alternatively called the "Scientific Pig" and the "Pig of Knowledge" over the years by the smart set. May the golden pig shine brightly as a beacon of light, hope, and accomplishment in your home for decades to come. Even better yet, it is hypoallergenic, may sharpen razor blades (see the best-selling book, "Porcine Power" by A. Ziffel, beloved son of Fred and Doris Ziffel for details), and is recycleable as well.

Congratulations once again, Hairy One-- err, Harry1. The Golden Pig's name is Nellie-- and may actually grant you wishes if you rub her belly. Just don't rub her the wrong way. Armor-all is her favorite snack, her tough polymer-composite construction is maintenance free, she cannot be pierced with the sharpest knife, and she is generally easier to care for (and far more entertaining) than a pet rock.