Good laugh

[4stringdude]

A very Merry Redneck Christmas!!

 

[Ninering62]

 

[Ninering62]

This is for the married men lookin for a good way to put an end to an argument with the wife

 

[Hatchet Jack]

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#1​

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. Amen.Texas prayer We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision. Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock. When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says. Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.” Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting. “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo". Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me? I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime. Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud. Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn. So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill? I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Old age is coming at a really bad time. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Now, I'm wondering . . . did I send this to you, did you send it to me or have I only sent one copy? The Commandments for Seniors…… You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off. Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work. "On time" is, when you get there. Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound. It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller. Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you. "One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house. __________________

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[FredB]

I must do this.

 

[ENCORE50A]

 

[BuffaloSoldier]

Like your architectural skills.

 

[Jitterbug]

Like your architectural skills.

I can’t support a flat roof, in snow country!

 

[MrTom]

And how much did you get out of today's little dumping? I had about 6" in the driveway when I got the blower out around 930.

 

[Ninering62]

And yes, make no mistake about it, I would have a blast doing this & LOLing until my guts hurt.

 

[Ninering62]

My BFF back in Md sent this to me & I thought I'd share it in here. He's heard me joke about if I go hunting into bear country, that I'm goin with a fat guy or a pistol in my pocket, bc I can still out run the fat guy when a bear thinks we look like Hor's d'oeuvres in camo & its snack time. But if my hunting buddy can outrun me, he's gonna suffer a gunshot wound to the knee AND a bear attack.

 

[JeffB1961]

 

[JeffB1961]

 

[JeffB1961]

when you're not a elf on a shelf person .......

 

[ENCORE50A]

Boo

 

[JeffB1961]

who

 

[ENCORE50A]

 

[Smyrnagc]

That's Awesome! Needed this laugh today.

 

[ENCORE50A]

 

[Smyrnagc]

Man!!! Your on a roll! I like your style!